How to Fall Read online

  Four and a half seconds later, to my eternal relief, the cavalry showed up.

  ‘Let her go.’

  It was a male voice, deep and authoritative, and I felt Natasha’s grip slacken for a second as she turned to see who it was. With one part of my brain I recognized Will, thanked God for his very existence, regretted ever having disliked him and hoped he had a plan – more or less all at the same time. The rest of my mind was focused on escape, apart from the bit that was wondering whether I’d smash myself to bits on the way down the cliff or just drown when I got to the bottom. I twisted away from Natasha, trying to break free while she was distracted, but I couldn’t quite manage it. My feet slipped on the loose earth and I heard pebbles and sand rattling over the edge, falling all the way to the sea. I couldn’t hear them splash into the water, but it was a long way down.

  ‘Natasha. Seriously. Give it a rest.’ Will sounded bored if anything, but he was moving quickly as he came towards us.

  She didn’t reply, but she waited until he was a few paces away and shoved me, hard, as she let go of my hair. I was completely off balance with no hope of recovering before I fell. There was a horrible, sick moment when I didn’t know if I’d land on solid ground or fall into space, and even when I found myself sprawling on the dusty earth at Will’s feet I was terrified I might still slide down the slope and over the edge, far beyond help or rescue. I dug my fingers in and pressed my face against the grit. I think I was probably praying.

  Will completely ignored me. ‘What exactly is it that you’re trying to achieve?’

  ‘I want her to be scared.’

  ‘I’d say you’ve succeeded.’

  ‘I have, haven’t I?’ From her voice, Natasha was exceedingly pleased with herself.

  Somewhere in the distance, I heard the unmistakable sound of throwing up. I was still lying on the ground, trembling, but I risked putting my head up after a few seconds to see Coco wiping her mouth, looking ashamed. I felt very slightly better. I might be lying in the dirt but at least I hadn’t vomited. Or weed myself. Or . . . well, things could have been a lot worse.

  Will’s feet moved past me and I was vaguely irritated that he hadn’t stopped to help me up. I was nowhere near ready to stand without assistance, but I was curious enough to lever myself up onto one elbow. He was between me and Natasha, and the sun was behind both of them so I couldn’t see much for squinting.

  ‘I think you’re finished here. Time to go home.’

  ‘You don’t tell me where to go, Will. You don’t even talk to me. You’re nothing,’ Natasha sneered.

  ‘So I’ve heard. Go on. Start walking.’ He was keeping the same conversational tone in his voice, ignoring the jibes, as if he was used to not rising to the bait.

  ‘What are you going to do if I don’t? Call your dad and get him to arrest me?’

  ‘I could. If Jess wanted to report you for assault, for instance.’

  Natasha didn’t even glance at me. ‘She won’t.’

  ‘Maybe not.’ He paused. ‘You should still go.’

  ‘Why are you on her side?’

  ‘I’m not taking sides. I don’t want to see either of you get hurt.’

  ‘Do I look like I’m in any danger?’ She bent away from him, her whippy body angled so she was leaning over the edge. ‘What about now?’

  ‘That looks more risky.’

  Abruptly, she straightened up. ‘This is boring. I can’t understand why I’m talking to you and I can’t understand what you’re doing here. You’ve never seemed bothered about being a knight in shining armour before. What’s different now?’

  He didn’t say anything.

  ‘It’s because you like her, isn’t it?’ She laughed. ‘Actually, it’s perfect. Two losers together. I should have thought of it myself. Of course you’d want to impress the new girl in town. You’ve got a chance with her. Until she finds out the truth about you.’

  ‘That’s really not it. Not at all.’ Will twisted to look at me but he was a shadow against the light, his face hidden. He turned back. ‘I’d say you won this round. Why don’t you quit while you’re ahead?’

  ‘Come on, Nats. Let’s just go.’ Claudia had an arm around Coco, who was still looking distinctly ropy.

  ‘Fine.’ Natasha leaned close to Will, her chest practically touching his. She couldn’t help herself. She was made to be a flirt. It still made me want to throw things at her. All I had to hand were bits of gravel, unfortunately, when what I wanted was more like a grenade.

  ‘It’s a shame you’re such a goody-goody,’ Natasha purred. ‘You’ll never know what you’ve been missing all these years.’

  ‘Herpes?’ I suggested from my position in the dust. My voice was a croak but Natasha heard it. She pushed past Will and paused beside me for a kick that caught me full on the kneecap. I hadn’t been expecting it and I grabbed onto my leg, holding it, as if that would help. The pain was too agonizing to scream, or swear. All I could do was bite my lip, turn my face into the dust again and wish I had the ability to restrain myself from making smart-arse comments.

  By the time I was able to take notice of what was going on, Natasha had disappeared down the path. Claudia and Coco were following, moving more slowly. Coco glanced back as I watched. No smile, no wave, no ‘Let’s be friends’. Just a stare that was hostile and – what? – worried, maybe. As if something was bothering her and it was my fault. Was she embarrassed about throwing up? Upset that Natasha had gone so thoroughly loco? Whatever it was, I had the impression she wished I’d just roll off the edge and save them all a lot of trouble.

  ‘Was it worth it?’ Will sounded interested. He came and stood with one foot on either side of me, holding out his hand. I took it and he pulled me up. I was nose to nose with him when I got to vertical. There were worse places to be. Like splattered all over a rocky outcrop at the foot of a cliff.

  ‘Not completely worth it, no.’ I was still holding his hand and I leaned forward, peering over the edge. ‘Dear God, that’s a long drop.’

  ‘Do I dare ask why she was trying to push you over the edge?’

  ‘I upset her.’

  ‘Evidently.’

  ‘I attracted the attention of her on-off boyfriend. He must have a thing for blondes.’ I was still staring at the sea, hypnotized as it surged in and crept up the rock face, a little further every time, then slid away again.

  ‘Do you mean Ryan?’ Will pulled me back, away from the cliff, and gave me a little shove in the direction of the bench. ‘Sit down before you get into any more trouble. What does Ryan want with you?’

  ‘He wants to do naughty things,’ I said primly. ‘At least, he wants Natasha to think that. I get the impression they have a stormy relationship.’

  ‘I believe that’s true.’

  I pounced. ‘You don’t know?’

  ‘Neither of them really confides in me.’

  ‘I’ve been hearing you’re the cat that walks by himself.’

  ‘Have you.’ It wasn’t a question; his voice was flat. He might as well have said I don’t want to talk about it.

  I really have never learned when to say nothing. ‘Yeah, apparently you’ve got highly contagious social leprosy. I’m risking my status just sitting here with you.’

  ‘It won’t kill you,’ he said dryly. ‘Falling off the cliff might have done it.’

  ‘Might have? I don’t think it’s a maybe. No one could survive it.’

  ‘That’s not necessarily the case.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  Will shook his head. ‘Don’t change the subject. Go back to my embarrassing social condition. Who’s been talking about it? Darcy?’

  ‘Good guess.’

  ‘I can also guess she wasn’t very nice about me.’ The grey eyes were fixed on the horizon.

  ‘She said some nice things.’

  ‘Like?’

  ‘Like you were a good friend to Freya.’

  ‘She doesn’t think that. And she’d be wrong if she d
id.’

  ‘You sound bitter.’ I was staring at the side of his face, trying to read his expression and failing.

  ‘No, that would be guilt.’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Lots of reasons.’

  ‘Details, please.’

  ‘Some other time,’ he said.

  ‘There’s no time like now.’

  ‘Leave it alone. Leave the whole thing alone.’ Will turned to me and his eyes were dark and narrowed in anger. ‘You don’t know when to stop, do you? You push people too far, Jess, and it’s going to get you hurt.’

  ‘Is that what happened to Freya?’

  ‘You’re nothing like her. I told you that the first time I met you.’

  ‘I remember,’ I said softly.

  ‘Natasha isn’t someone you can push around. She’s vicious. If she was a dog, you’d never walk her without a muzzle.’

  ‘Do you think she was just trying to scare me?’ I was aiming for casual but the tremor in my voice was a giveaway.

  ‘Probably. But she’s not in control of that temper. Her dad’s something big in banking but her parents split up years ago. She’s spoiled rotten. She never sees him – just sends him requests for money or clothes or jewellery. Her mum’s exactly like her except she doesn’t keep to one man. Far from it, in fact.’

  ‘You’re almost making me feel sorry for her,’ I said. ‘But not quite.’

  ‘You don’t have to like her, but stay away from her. Seriously, Jess. It’s too dangerous.’

  ‘I’m not scared of Natasha Watkins. She caught me off guard. Next time, I’ll be ready for her.’

  ‘You’re not listening. There can’t be a next time. I might not be around next time.’ Will was actually losing his temper, which was good, because so was I.

  ‘Look, I didn’t plan it. She came and found me here.’

  ‘And you didn’t provoke her into attacking you.’

  ‘I’m not going to let her bully me. Anyway, it wouldn’t have mattered what I said. She was determined to pick a fight with me.’

  ‘Oh, right. None of it was your fault. I see that now.’

  I sighed. ‘Look, I really was minding my own business. I like it up here and I came up when—’ When my mum dumped me for a hot date with your dad. ‘I came up when I had nowhere else to be. Natasha and her mates turned up unexpectedly. If it had been up to me, I would have picked somewhere less isolated for our little chat. Somewhere less high. But I wasn’t expecting her to get so punchy.’

  ‘She’s more than capable.’ Will leaned forward, his elbows on his knees, and went back to staring out to sea. ‘I know there’s no reason for you to listen to me, but I think you need to start being more careful. I don’t think you should come up here on your own.’

  ‘In case Natasha comes back?’

  ‘In case Freya was killed.’ The last word hung in the silence for a second, a short, brutal syllable. I swallowed, and Will went on. ‘Hasn’t it occurred to you that if she was murdered, the person who did it might want you to stop dragging it all up again?’ He looked back at me, his face grave. ‘Hasn’t it occurred to you they might be willing to kill again?’

  ‘If she was killed.’

  ‘That’s what you believe, though, isn’t it?’

  ‘And what do you believe?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘No one knows anything. But I do know that I’ve learned a lot just by hanging around up here.’

  ‘Stubborn.’

  ‘Determined,’ I countered. ‘I’m going to find out the truth.’

  ‘And you have every confidence in your abilities,’ Will said sarcastically, and somehow I couldn’t lie to him.

  ‘If you really want to know the truth, I don’t have a clue.’

  He raised his eyebrows, looking amused more than angry. ‘Really?’

  ‘I’m just getting more and more confused.’ I laughed. ‘I need to get all my suspects to come up here and explain themselves.’

  ‘You’ve got as far as having suspects? That’s a start. Who’s on the list?’

  ‘Natasha, with or without her friends.’ I was thinking about Coco’s pallor, and her fear. ‘Darcy’s not off the hook. Ryan, obviously. Then there’s the guy Ryan said she said she liked, if I knew who he was. And—’ I broke off.

  ‘Go on.’

  There was no way out of it. I took a deep breath. ‘Well, since you ask . . . there’s you.’

  11

  AS SOON AS I’d said it I regretted it; I’d have taken the words back if I could. But it was the truth. I risked a look at Suspect Number Six, who didn’t look remotely perturbed.

  ‘I thought so.’

  ‘Is that it? That’s all you’ve got to say?’

  Will shrugged. ‘What should I say?’

  ‘What about trying to persuade me I’m wrong?’ I pulled my feet up onto the bench and turned to face him, my arms wrapped around my knees. ‘What about asking me why I put you on the list in the first place?’

  ‘Actually, I would like to know.’ He wouldn’t meet my eyes, staring at a completely uninteresting bit of ground instead.

  ‘You’re obviously feeling guilty about something to do with Freya – you said so yourself. And you were close to her at one time.’ I was getting into potentially awkward territory but I carried on, focused on finding out what had happened between them. ‘You could have been jealous of her and Ryan, or her and the mystery boyfriend. If it wasn’t you.’

  ‘Not me. I suppose it’s possible I might have been jealous.’ From Will’s tone of voice the idea amused him and I couldn’t tell why.

  ‘You got shut out, didn’t you? That’s why you stopped coming to the house. You couldn’t be around her any more.’

  He slid down with his back against the bench, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. He looked completely relaxed, and only the rapid rhythm he was tapping with one foot told me he was in any way bothered by the turn our conversation had taken.

  ‘I did stop coming to Sandhayes before Freya died, and it was to do with her. But it wasn’t that she’d turned me down.’

  ‘Let me guess. It was the other way round.’

  He glanced at me. ‘You wouldn’t believe that?’

  ‘No. I would. I mean – obviously. Of course.’ Of course he was handsome enough to have anyone fall for him, and from a height. And the emotional damage would be roughly similar to what would happen to your body if you stepped off the cliff, I thought.

  ‘I don’t like talking about it because Freya’s not here to tell her side of the story and my side sounds—’ Will broke off and shook his head.

  ‘I’ll give you a pass on being big-headed, if you like. Just tell me what she said and what you said.’

  ‘No.’

  I raised my eyebrows.

  ‘Not in detail, anyway,’ he said. ‘I’m not going to betray her trust.’

  ‘I get the picture. You’re a gentleman. That’s fair enough.’ But it wasn’t enough to make me drop the subject. ‘Paraphrase it.’

  He took a deep breath. ‘Right. Well, a few months before she died, Freya made it clear to me that she liked me.’

  ‘She told you?’

  ‘Not in so many words. And I’m not going into detail about it.’

  And if I pushed him, he would leave. ‘What happened next?’

  ‘I . . . didn’t feel the same way.’

  ‘Did you tell her that?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Was she upset?’

  ‘Yes. Initially. And a bit embarrassed, even though I didn’t think she should mind. It didn’t really change things between us, as far as I was concerned.’

  ‘Come off it. You must know it doesn’t work that way. Once something like that is out in the open, you can’t ignore it.’

  Will raised his eyebrows. ‘Speaking from personal experience?’

  ‘Speaking realistically.’

  ‘Well, I disagree. I don’t think it would have made a difference. It didn�
��t bother me that she liked me – I was flattered, if anything. I just didn’t feel the same way. She was more like a sister than a potential girlfriend.’

  I winced. ‘Did you say that to her?’

  ‘Might have.’

  ‘Ouch.’

  ‘It was true.’ He sounded defensive for the first time.

  ‘Yeah, but it’s not exactly good news if you like someone. A lot, presumably, or she wouldn’t have risked the humiliation of being turned down.’

  ‘I didn’t take it lightly. I just couldn’t pretend I felt the same way. And it was kinder to tell her that, I thought, so everyone knew where they stood.’

  ‘Sometimes people don’t want to know where they stand, though. Living in hope is a lot less brutal than knowing you don’t have a chance.’

  ‘Again, personal experience?’

  ‘None of your business,’ I said firmly.

  ‘Yeah, well, being honest didn’t work out as I’d planned, so maybe you’re right.’

  ‘Presumably that’s when you stopped going round to the house.’

  ‘Nope. Though maybe I should have.’ Will saw the look of surprise on my face. ‘It was a bit awkward at first, but Freya was more upset about that than she was about me turning her down. She said her mum would never forgive her if she was responsible for pushing me out.’

  ‘Tilly has basically adopted you, hasn’t she? Why is that?’

  He shook his head. ‘That’s another conversation.’

  ‘The man of mystery strikes again. You see why you ended up on the list of suspects? You never give me a straight answer.’

  ‘I’m not going to tell you about it now because it’s got nothing to do with Freya and I don’t want to get sidetracked. As for straight answers, I’m being honest with you, I promise.’ His eyes were steady and I looked away before he did.

  ‘Get back to Freya, then. You did stay away, so something else must have happened.’

  ‘It was a couple of weeks before she died. Freya asked me if I was the one who’d been sending her messages – the mystery man you’re trying to track down too. Freya didn’t know who it was either. At least, not at first. But she didn’t spend too much time thinking about it because she assumed it was me.’